As you can see everything is gone....
I tried to talk to DH last night while the kids were out. He lasted about 5 minutes before he started yelling. When I asked him to TALK to me he only got louder. This all got started because I went some where with out him and he doesn't remember the conversation when I told him I would be doing so. I made plans to do something else with out him and his only reply to this (via email) was ... "i will see if anyone would like to do something with me". This just made me angry!! I tried to explain that IF we could do something without fighting I would gladly do something with him, but even a night at the movies is becoming a pain in the A$$!! I told him what does it matter, if I was home, you would just be sitting in your room without me anyway!! His response.... he said that I NEEDED to "tend" to him because I wanted to, not because he told me to! WHAT???? Then he said "was this your plan to move in with your mother and leave me with nothing" ???? WHAT??? What does ANY of this have to do with me going out for dinner with my girlfriends next week??? Who knows. Could it have been his blood sugar making him crazy,or could it be he's just got issues? Either way clearly we need to sit down and have a LONG talk about us... Now it's just about finding the right time when he will remember it and NOT start yelling!!
I have no idea what he ate all day, but when he got home from work he ate left over Chinese food (pork fried rice, beef teriakyi, and what ever else. For dinner he thought a Jim Dandy (5 scoops of ice cream and all the fixings) would be great for dinner!! Then at about 10pm he thought it would be good to have a cheese sandwich (toasted grilled cheese) and 2 slices of buttered toast and a big glass of OJ. And he wonders why his sugars MIGHT be off (not that he checks them). He has been out of some pills for almost a week now. I told him he knew how to pick up a phone and follow the instructions to order more, it was not my responsibility. He has not done that yet. So who know what his sugars are like!!! He hasn't taken his insulin in months!!
Anyway I have decided 2 things, one is I am going to find some kind of counselor, and 2 i am making a plan to get out of this married if he will not see the counselor with me. Don't get me wrong I still love him, but this is not a healthy relationship. I have to figure out what is going to be the best thing for my kids. I know fighting him for custody is going to be hell, but I am willing to go to hell and back for my kids. So until I figure out what I am really doing, i am going to lay low.
I keep reading everyone's blog and check them daily. When I am reading, I feel like I was writing it. It amazes me how much we have in common, strangers with a common bond. I will delete my blog (in a couple of days) because I don't want DH to find it, because it will come up in my discussion.
So THANK YOU ladies for your stories, they keep me going. I will try to keep in touch.
Crazy,
ReplyDeleteIs blogspot like facebook? Can you turn if off then back on when you want? I think it is because Lilly's disappeared for a few days then she got it back up.
It would be a shame for your blog to go away for good. The stories about your kids are great! It would be terrible for them to disappear. Also, your blog is a diary/log. It could come in handy for custody issues.
Many husbands seem to be willing to use their children as a last ditch effort to control their wives in a divorce...and after the divorce is final. With four children he will be looking at a large percentage of his take-home income for childsupport. Be willing to fight for what is your childrens'. You will need it.
If you two own the house don't just give it to him to get away. If you don't want to live there make him pay you your half or sell it. If you want to live there no judge should make you, with four VERY young children, pay him half to keep your home.
What I am telling you is what I did wrong in my divorce. After I made him leave, he found us a marriage counselor. On our first visit when he told her why he married me she looked at me and said we needed to get a divorce.
After several more months of therapy she would no longer see him. Another month later she found me a lawyer and kept on me until I called and hired him.
The divorce was final mid 2003. Last week I was in court against him because he is still trying to control me through the child.
If you are going to do this you have to be smart and be ready. Document, document, document. If he cannot even re-order his medicine and manage his diabetes how can he care for young children.
You will have to be able to present this to the court in a way which isn't attacking him because he has a disease. Rather in a way which solely shows your concern for your children.
Sorry about getting a little carried away here, but it sounds like this may be my last chance to say this before our link is gone.
Take care. Good luck. Be strong. Watch your back!
Love, S
A blog is great for keeping notes and remembering things we all want to forget. Dates and times of outbursts, surrounding events, triggers. Mine is 5 years old now, and I honestly wish I had started this the moment I met hubby.
ReplyDeleteBut it is also a historical document that the children can read one day when they are ready and it might help them understand who this man was, how he acted, the things he said and did, and the reason you left.
My side bonuses are to have met so many other women in the same situation!
Crazy Wife,
ReplyDeleteI will be very sorry to see your blog disappear, but REALLY DO hope that things improve for you and your children! You are right; something has to change, especially for your kids . . . it is not just you that you have to worry about. I wish all of you the very best that life has to offer. Take care, and be careful. By the way, S has offered some very good advice.
S,
I don't think you can turn the blog off and then back on. My blog disappeared because there was "suspicious activity" on my account. I think there may have been a virus or something on my g-mail, as I had an e-mail that went out to everyone in my address book that I did not send. Apparently, Google locks out everything (including connected blogs) when that happens. Once I changed my password and unlocked the account, the blog reappeared.
Crazy Wife,
ReplyDeleteReally do hope that you keep in touch. Take care of yourself and your beautiful children!
Lilly
All I can add is that you and your children deserve a happy and pleasant life. Whatever you encounter, remember that those of us here will be thinking of you. Let us know how its going from time to time. Best of luck... Tom's Wife
ReplyDeleteLove ya...good luck...tbarry3@rochester.rr.com...if you just want to email...we all care. XOXOXOOXOXOXOX
ReplyDeleteS gave you some excellent advice, and I second all of it. Been there, done that, only the ex wasn't diabetic, he was just an abusive jerk. But by all means, document everything and protect yourself. You need to look out for yourself and your kids.
ReplyDeleteIt's so sad - nobody goes into marriage with the expectation that it will fail. We don't think it will happen to US, but all too often, the guy we married turns out not to be the one we THOUGHT we had married.
Take care!